Today, let's talk about the magic of appreciation in relationships.

One of the things I’m most grateful for in my relationship is the habit of appreciation Carina and I have created. Feeling appreciated and expressing our gratitude feels lovely every single time.

One of the reasons resentments fester in relationships is when people feel unappreciated and unseen. 

There was a time when I may have been cynical about appreciations. I mean, how many times do I need to say thank you for something that’s happening every day, and going to happen whether I verbalize my appreciation or not?

And do I really need to feel appreciated for the everyday things I do? Isn’t that, like, coddling, needy, even selfish?

Maybe it’s my age, maybe it’s the experience of once being in a relationship where appreciations became scarce, but feeling appreciated and sharing my appreciation of Carina feels lovely only every single time.

But one of the reasons resentments are created and fester in relationships is when people feel unappreciated (feeling unseen and like they don’t matter).

I remember rewatching the film American Beauty a few years after becoming a father. If you haven’t seen it, it’s a quietly (and then not so quietly) searing excavation of American suburban life. 

Before it all goes tits-up (in a shower of rose petals), there’s a quiet kitchen scene between Kevin Spacey’s beleaguered dad character and his teenage daughter’s friend. She simply asks, ‘how was your day?’ 

He visibly softens, and in that moment you know that no-one in his family has cared to ask him that in forever. 

It’s a tender moment that speaks volumes about how much we all do everyday because that’s what we expect of ourselves, and others expect of us.
Now, ‘How was your day?’ isn’t directly an appreciation, but it’s an acknowledgement that this man gets up every day to do his part to support his family. In that moment, that felt seen, and like his efforts matter and are respected. 

It’s powerful. So how do you go about creating a culture of appreciation?

Creating a culture of appreciation is simpler than you might think. There are two key steps, and the second one is unexpected.

Two Key Steps for Appreciation:

Step 1: Look no further than the everyday things you already do for each other. Those little gestures are waiting to be appreciated and cherished.

Examples:
Dinner totally hit the spot. Thank you for making it.

You look super hot in those jeans.

Thanks for handling bedtime with the kids. I really needed to chill out for an hour.

Thanks for handling the vacation plans, I’m so looking forward to spending downtime with you.

Thanks for getting the groceries.

I know how hard you’re working right now, I really appreciate it.

Thank you for getting the kids to school every day.

Step 2: Embrace unexpected appreciation - both giving and receiving.

Sometimes, people may feel irritated or dismissive of appreciation. But the key to sustaining a culture of appreciation is being open to receive and embrace it fully.

If you're on the receiving end of an appreciation, all you have to do is say, "Thank you." Take a breath, let the words sink in, and acknowledge the effort and love behind them.

Taking a moment to appreciate everyday tasks and gestures can have a profound impact on our connection with our partners.

Try This Today: An Appreciation

Take a moment today to thank your partner for something they did, no matter how small. It could be making the bed, preparing a meal, or even just being there for you when you needed a listening ear. 

Watch how a simple act of gratitude lights up their day and deepens your connection.

Thanks for reading this, it means a lot to me.

Stay Appreciative,
Matt

Talk to Matt about having few fights and more intimacy. Book your free discovery call here.

Photo by No Revisions on Unsplash