3 Tips To Avoid Being This Dude

A ridiculous number of years ago I was attending a workshop for people creating and building small businesses. 

One of the other attendees was an older guy (probably younger than I am today, now I think about it, it was that long ago). 

He loved his business idea and mansplaining why his business name was funny. He would express, actually declare, his opinions of various things.

He was pompous, took himself very seriously. You've met this guy.

You could feel people in the workshop, myself included, getting irritated by him.

The woman running the workshop was the no-nonsense type. She knew her stuff and explained things succinctly and clearly.

At one point, after this man had smugly and yet again shared his business idea and declared why the name was funny she said, "I recognize you. You were in my last workshop". 

She named the title of the workshop.

He nodded.

"And you were in the one before that too". She named another workshop.

He nodded.

"I thought so. From what you're saying in this workshop, it sounds like your business is still just a concept. I don't think you've followed through on any of the things I've taught".

There was silence in the room. He didn't nod.

There was a tension that read like a mixture of 'dude had it coming' (whatever the english late-80's version of  that would be), and 'thank god that's not me' and 'I hope that's never going to be me'.

She said, "you can come to my workshops as much as you like - thank you - but accumulating knowledge is also a place you can hide if you're not going to follow through'.

[Looking back, I can see now that this man was scared. I can empathize with the part of him that wanted more for his life and yet feared change at the same time. Attending yet another workshop had become a place of self-deceit. He could kid himself that he was taking action without taking the scary step of following through]

The process of change begins with one courageous step. But often it takes more than one:

Am I willing to accept that I'm unhappy or dissatisfied or just want something different?

If yes, can I actually give myself permission to feel deserving of more happiness, satisfaction, or  different?

 Am I now open to learning what it is I need to do to create this change?

Are we there yet? Not quite...

Am I actually going to follow-through on implementing those things to actually change and live my life differently?

This last one is a biggie.

It's where the big wave lifts your feet off familiar ground. 

It's where you lose the comfort of what you're used to. Even though you were unhappy, and dissatisfied, at least you knew what to expect.

The comfort of familiar discomfort.

You're not swimming until your feet are off the ground.

If you change, you might lose connection with people, even with aspects of yourself.

You may come up against other limiting beliefs like:

    'I don't deserve any more than I have'

    'I won't know myself anymore'

    'Know-one will like me anymore if I'm suddenly different or my life is different'.

     'Everyone will judge me'

It's crazy what our minds can come up with.

Despite never wanting to be that dude from the workshop, there were times in my life when I was. And will be again. 

Remember, building healthy relationships is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, effort, and commitment.

One of my responsibilities as a coach is to not only share powerful perspectives and tools that create deep and intimate relationships, but also support you in using them in your daily life.

With the right mindset and tools, you can achieve true intimacy and connection with your partner.

My men's group, AWAKE, is an ongoing space for men to get accountability and support in the daily process of creating a life of more connection, fulfillment, presence and intimacy.

If you're looking for a community of like-minded men who are committed to personal growth and healthy relationships, then AWAKE might be just what you need. Join us and let's awaken to our true selves together.

If you know a man that could benefit from this and might be interested, share this post.

Until next time,

Matt

Want to feel better in your life? Talk to Matt

Photo by Michal Matlon on Unsplash

"Too Busy" For Your Relationship? Really?

Here's a story about me in a different phase of my life, in a whole different relationship.

We moved in together, split finances, bought a house, had kids.

All these things came from the relationship. They were supported by the relationship

BUT...

They weren’t the relationship itself.

With all those things comes these things - get the kids to school, from school, to swimming to karate. Grocery shopping. Laundry. Laundry. Laundry. Paying the bills. And on and on.

The relationship got bumped to the bottom of the list.

It became the last thing that got my attention once everything else was ticked off the list.

(And yes, sometimes we need to prioritise other things in our lives. A busy phase at work. A sick parent. Life happens.)

You know why this happened? 

I thought the relationship would take care of itself.

In the heat and excitement of a new relationship, staying connected to each other takes care of itself.

Add to that the fantasy of 'the one'. I believed that finding the ‘right’ person meant that all the challenges and fears and doubts I’d ever experienced in previous relationships would disappear.

And the relationship slipping down the priority list didn’t happen overnight. It was the frog in a pot of slowly heating water.

You know a way to make your busy life more stressful?

Ignore the importance of your relationship by not taking care of it.

You get out of the habit of nurturing it. Or (raise your hand) you don't know how to make the relationship a priority over time because you never saw our parents do it.

Ok you can all put your hands down now. 

Back to the story. What happened to me?

Resentments built.

Tempers flared.

Issues remained unresolved because I was too busy defending my corner.

The shitty stuff became a mountain that overshadowed the glimpses of fun, happiness, and intimacy.

It affected my capacity to parent well, do my job effectively (screwed up big a couple of times), my relationships with friends (oh look, there I am still complaining about my relationship), my sleep, my health.

I was doing the best I could. And I didn't know any better.

These days I know better. I learned better, I do better and my life is better - SO MUCH better because I keep the health of my relationship in view.

It's not always easy or convenient because life happens.

But coming back to the connection with my partner, Carina, is essential in the truest sense of the word.

I come back to tenderness, acceptance, passion, capacity and strength.

Taking time to stay connected in your relationship looks like moving forward as a team.

Engaging in small, meaningful moments throughout the day ramps up feelings of intimacy.

It's quality not quantity that matters here.

My simple and easy 45-minute Create Deeper Connection session is the best way I know to supercharge your relationship and get more intimacy and connection. Click here to book it.

It's a process that Carina and I use to make sure our relationship foundation is strong and we're moving forward as a team.

You, your partner, and I work together through a process that instantly (it's in the title!) gets you back the connection (it's in the title!) and intimacy that gets lost in the stress and busyness of your life. 

After 45 minutes you'll have a connection plan tailor made for your relationship. You can start using it immediately the same day.

I love doing the Create Deeper Connection sessions. Time flies by because the process simple and effective and fun. 

I see couples light up with excitement about the juicy possibilities opening up for them right in front of their eyes.

Bottom Line: start with a simple and powerful way to feel connected throughout your busy days. Move through the year as a team feeling supported and cherished.

Don't miss your spot. Book your 45 minute Create Deeper Connection session for you and your partner here for only $97 . 

Get connected!

Talk to Matt about having fewer fights and more intimacy. Book your free discovery call here.

Photo by Patricia Prudente on Unsplash

Dads, this is what she wants from you.

There's something wired into us that we're somehow failing if we have to ask for help or support.

There's fear that it shows weakness. And that our need for support might get used against us. The fear runs really deep and it stops so many men from reaching out, or accepting support when it's offered. It keeps us isolated and struggling.

Where did this belief come from?

Because look a bit further and you'll see that through history men have had a network of support.

Kings and Prime Ministers and Presidents have advisors and councils. Army generals have their war room. CEOs have boards, peer networks, executive assistants, business mentors and coaches. Don Corleone had his consigliere.

Everywhere you look, men are getting support. Not because of weakness. but because being heard, being open to guidance and advice creates better outcomes.

The stress and challenges we sometimes face as dads are real. The responsibility is huge, and our spouses and co-parents might be great in so many ways, but there's something about honest talk, man-to-man, which is irreplaceable, and can be hard to find.

Recently, I was at a small neighbourhood gathering. I was chatting with two guys, young dads, who were friends with each other. 

One of them was curious about the men's group, AWAKE, I had mentioned.

'So what is that? What happens?"

I explained how it's often difficult for men to talk about important things in their lives, and how the men's group provides a space for authentic connection, for men to support each other.

He chuckled and nodded to his friend, and said, 'that's so true, all we talk about is sports'. His friend laughed in agreement, 'Yeah, what you're doing sounds great, I'd like to check that out'.

A lot of men, even good friends, just don't know how to have these conversations.

It's vulnerable at first, it can feel very awkward, but once you're tapped in...

It's a connection that runs its own deep channel. You've felt it before, maybe not for a long time, but you've felt it.

It's deep and it's rich.

It doesn't weaken you, it strengthens you.

Where there was confusion, a good connection with another man creates clarity.

And I'm going to let you in on a secret. 

Your wife wants this for you. 

And your kids want this for you. They want the version of you that shows up in their lives as strong, present, confident and in touch with your feelings.

I've worked with many men over almost two decades. And I've been supported by many men too. I know the value of what I'm offering and I want you to experience it.

My men’s group AWAKE isn’t exclusively for dads, but many of the men in the group are dads.

Joining AWAKE won't grant you superpowers like the ability to change diapers at lightning speed or cook a gourmet meal while simultaneously fixing a leaky faucet. 

But it will equip you with the tools and support to navigate fatherhood like a boss. Plus, the camaraderie and banter are worth their weight in dad jokes!

There’s deeply moving and powerful support happening in the group every week that is changing the lives of the men and their kids.

There’s also smiles and laughter and a deep sense of community.

At the beginning of every AWAKE call, often we check in feeling some of the burdens of our day - tired, anxious, nervous, tight or aching in our bodies.

But at the end of literally every call, we're often checking out feeling more grounded, supported, lighter. 

In AWAKE, you'll embark on an exhilarating journey through the depths of fatherhood, manhood, relationships, and personal development, surrounded by a tribe of like-minded men who've got your back.

Imagine that for yourself. This support in your life is transformative.

Redefine what it means to be an empowered father.

Talk to Matt about having few fights and more intimacy. Book your free discovery call here.

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

☎️Still ‘On Hold’? Feedback on last week’s blog

I received some questions and reflections about last week’s post. 

Firstly, thank you. 

Writing these posts helps me clarify my thoughts on things, but more than that it’s intended to offer thoughtful insight and support on your relationships. 

So, thank you for the warm glow of receiving your emails and comments that lets me know you’re reading it.

The gist of the feedback was ‘yup, putting a relationship on hold is a thing, because I’ve done it or experienced it’.

Then there was a question along the lines of, in our committed relationship ‘how do we know if our relationship is on hold?’.

The simplest answer is, do either or both of you feel like it’s on hold? 

If your relationship is currently on the backburner because of work, family, or even if one of you is away on a trip… if one of you is totally ok with this but the other one is saying ‘I kind of feel disconnected from the relationship…this whole ‘us’ thing is feeling rather abstract…I’m feeling a tiny bit forlorn/massively abandoned’...then the relationship is ‘on hold’.

Your relationship isn’t on hold if taking some time and distance away unanimously feels nurturing and grounding for you as individuals, and allows you to reconnect feeling revitalised and excited about yourselves each other.

Bottom Line: it’s really up to you, the people actually in the relationship, to notice how you’re feeling about your relationship. Especially if your relationship is more on the back burner than usual (or is about to be). 

If you want to spend more time together, or find other ways to connect, start the conversation.

Stay connected.

Matt

Talk to Matt about having fewer fights and more intimacy. Book your free discovery call here.

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Well This Was Scary

Who said men don’t talk? 

Give him a platform and he will open up and speak his truth. 

But are you willing to listen and hear his heart, ladies ... and men too? 

- Dr. Monica Y. Jackson

I’ve been selected to speak at the M4: Men, Message, Mission, Movement Virtual Summit

The invitation is for me to ‘speak my truth’ for 45 mins and tell the journey of why I work with men, and support people in having more fulfilling relationships.

Now, I tend towards being an introvert (with flurries of extroversion 🕺). And I often find it uncomfortable to talk about myself, and share things about my life that paint me in a less than perfect light (recovering Nice Guy here).

So I was *slightly* terrified to talk about myself so openly.

My journey includes being raised in a home where conflict was most often swept under the rug, grief and anger weren’t openly expressed. 

My journey includes becoming a parent, depression, infidelity and a marriage that didn’t work.

My journey includes beginning men’s work and tapping into deep emotional caverns.

I’ve talked and written about these things here and there. But talking about it all at once, well that turned out to bring up a lot of feelings about being seen and judged.

At the same time I know that it’s exactly these things that have let me know myself more deeply, and connect with others more deeply. 

I know that talking about these things has led to healing and strength.

It’s these things that have led me to work with men, and my work coaching people to find connection and passion in their relationships, which I love.

It’s exactly these things that have led to the amazing relationships I have today, with Carina, my dad and brother, with friends.

I prerecorded my talk, and this video below is an interview I did with Dr. Monica like seconds after. Because that’s how she rolls. 

One of the COOLEST things about doing the M4 Summit. Is Dr. Monica herself. This woman is on a mission to understand men. She is passionate and curious in seeking to understand her own life.

Not only is she choosing to listen and ask questions, she’s creating a space where these conversations can be heard by many.

The other cool thing about doing the M4 Summit was meeting the other men selected to talk. Men from backgrounds and experiences unfamiliar to me. Men crackling with passion. 

Men with stories that will open your heart.

Register here to take part and hear all the stories https://drmonicajackson.com/M4Summit. 

The summit takes place on September 23 – 24, 2023, and a bonus day with the speakers on September 22, 2023.

M4 Summit Visionary Dr. Monica Chats with M4 Summit Speaker Matt Hilliard

Stay connected,

Matt

Talk to Matt about having fewer fights and more intimacy. Book your free discovery call here.

Photo by Surface on Unsplash

👻Secrets, Spectres, and Relationships: Confronting the Unspoken!

You know that thing you’re scared of talking about with your partner? 

The thing you’re worried will set them off? That could start a fight? Or break the relationship?

It’s the thing that’s between you and the relationship you want.

In my line of work we call these things ‘withholds’.

A withhold is a truth that we’re holding back.

It might be something about you, or something about your partner, or about your circumstances that affects you both.

A withhold can often be sensed by our partner. Maybe not consciously, but it can hang in the air between you like a spectre.

It creates distance.

Now, not everything has to be spoken about immediately. I know I sometimes need time to mull something over before I voice it.

But if you’re holding on to something that affects your relationship, you owe it to yourself, your partner and your relationship to speak up.

If you’re compromising yourself in your relationship, out of fear of conflict or abandonment, or habit, you’re relationship is also compromised.

Ideally, sharing what you’re withholding gives your partner, and the relationship, the opportunity to stretch and grow. 

Sharing what you’re withholding could possibly end the relationship. But do you want to be in a relationship that can’t fully hold you?

Thanks for reading.

Matt

P.S. Here’s my secret…

…I used to be great at withholds, in a bad way. I could keep stuff tucked away for far too long from fear of causing conflict or, worse, the end of the relationship.

Learning about these fears - what they were and how to metabolise them - helped me show up more fully in my relationships.

If you need help like this, book a chat with me at the link below to see if we want to work together

Photo by Courtney Clayton on Unsplash

📞Don't Put Your Relationship ‘On Hold’: The Best Way to Stay Connected Amid Life's Demands

I'm just back from holiday - I took my daughter to the UK to visit family. It was a fabulous trip in many ways.

Carina and I have a regular morning routine of leaving voice messages on WhatsApp for each other every morning.

However, because of the 5-hour time difference and other variables around my time in the UK, what I didn’t do properly was put in place a plan for Carina and me to really feel connected while I was gone.

Even though I knew how important in-person (via phone or zoom or whatever) connection is for us, it was just outside of my view to plan for it.

So, while we were able to maintain our voice message connection, our cherished in-person connection was pushed to the margins.

Which meant Carina felt pushed to the margins.

It created distance, disconnection, and then upset.

And as often happens when relationships experience wear and tear, it’s taken a lot of energy and attention to find our way back into the deep and intimate connection we love... waaay more energy than it would have taken to create a better plan and follow-through (like Carina was asking all along! Sorry babe).

I was speaking with a couple recently who were describing how they put their relationship ‘on hold’ after their third child was born so they could focus on parenting and building the business they run together.

It makes total sense.

Life gets busy sometimes. Kids, work projects, health, ageing parents, home renovations. These things, at different times, emerge as priorities. They demand our time and focus over and above our other commitments.

When it comes to our relationships, it’s possible to downgrade its importance for a short time - a few days, a week maybe.

But don’t fall into the trap of thinking you can put your relationship ‘on hold’.

Our relationships are living entities.

They continue whether we pay attention to it or not

The relationship needs our care and attention to survive. Not only survive but thrive.

We can’t just hit the pause button for a few days or weeks or months (or years, cripes!), and expect to pick up where we left off.

When we put our relationship on hold, we’re not nurturing our relationship.

Like a plant, a pet, or a person, without nurturing attention, our relationship will suffer. When our relationship suffers, we suffer.

This can look like resentments, bickering, fights, addictive behaviors like shopping, eating, and porn to fill the gap, even infidelity.

So, what can you do?

If you have life stuff that needs your sustained attention and energy, talk with your partner about what you need to feel connected during that time.

Ask yourself: what types (verbal, physical) and frequency (time of day, number of times a day/week) of connection do we each need to feel seen and supported, appreciated and cared for?

Make a plan and stick to it, making adjustments along the way if necessary.

Bottom Line: without your attention, your relationship will falter. If you need to prioritise other things for a period of time, make a plan to keep connected with each other.

Stay Connected - sign-up for weekly tips in the footer.

Matt

Talk to Matt about having fewer fights and more intimacy. Book your free discovery call here.

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🚀 Boost Your Relationship with Two Key Steps

Today, let's talk about the magic of appreciation in relationships.

One of the things I’m most grateful for in my relationship is the habit of appreciation Carina and I have created. Feeling appreciated and expressing our gratitude feels lovely every single time.

One of the reasons resentments fester in relationships is when people feel unappreciated and unseen. 

There was a time when I may have been cynical about appreciations. I mean, how many times do I need to say thank you for something that’s happening every day, and going to happen whether I verbalize my appreciation or not?

And do I really need to feel appreciated for the everyday things I do? Isn’t that, like, coddling, needy, even selfish?

Maybe it’s my age, maybe it’s the experience of once being in a relationship where appreciations became scarce, but feeling appreciated and sharing my appreciation of Carina feels lovely only every single time.

But one of the reasons resentments are created and fester in relationships is when people feel unappreciated (feeling unseen and like they don’t matter).

I remember rewatching the film American Beauty a few years after becoming a father. If you haven’t seen it, it’s a quietly (and then not so quietly) searing excavation of American suburban life. 

Before it all goes tits-up (in a shower of rose petals), there’s a quiet kitchen scene between Kevin Spacey’s beleaguered dad character and his teenage daughter’s friend. She simply asks, ‘how was your day?’ 

He visibly softens, and in that moment you know that no-one in his family has cared to ask him that in forever. 

It’s a tender moment that speaks volumes about how much we all do everyday because that’s what we expect of ourselves, and others expect of us.
Now, ‘How was your day?’ isn’t directly an appreciation, but it’s an acknowledgement that this man gets up every day to do his part to support his family. In that moment, that felt seen, and like his efforts matter and are respected. 

It’s powerful. So how do you go about creating a culture of appreciation?

Creating a culture of appreciation is simpler than you might think. There are two key steps, and the second one is unexpected.

Two Key Steps for Appreciation:

Step 1: Look no further than the everyday things you already do for each other. Those little gestures are waiting to be appreciated and cherished.

Examples:
Dinner totally hit the spot. Thank you for making it.

You look super hot in those jeans.

Thanks for handling bedtime with the kids. I really needed to chill out for an hour.

Thanks for handling the vacation plans, I’m so looking forward to spending downtime with you.

Thanks for getting the groceries.

I know how hard you’re working right now, I really appreciate it.

Thank you for getting the kids to school every day.

Step 2: Embrace unexpected appreciation - both giving and receiving.

Sometimes, people may feel irritated or dismissive of appreciation. But the key to sustaining a culture of appreciation is being open to receive and embrace it fully.

If you're on the receiving end of an appreciation, all you have to do is say, "Thank you." Take a breath, let the words sink in, and acknowledge the effort and love behind them.

Taking a moment to appreciate everyday tasks and gestures can have a profound impact on our connection with our partners.

Try This Today: An Appreciation

Take a moment today to thank your partner for something they did, no matter how small. It could be making the bed, preparing a meal, or even just being there for you when you needed a listening ear. 

Watch how a simple act of gratitude lights up their day and deepens your connection.

Thanks for reading this, it means a lot to me.

Stay Appreciative,
Matt

Talk to Matt about having few fights and more intimacy. Book your free discovery call here.

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Tone-Deaf: Your Tone of Voice is Destroying Your Relationship. Here’s How to Fix It

Netflix’s car-crash dating show Love Is Blind provides such a rich insight into relationships. You don’t have to be watching the series to get what I’m talking about here, so read on.

This was a mic drop moment for me…

Tone is so important.

When Chelsea and Kwame woke up that morning, Kwame asked her how she felt, she spat back ‘How do you think I feel?’

When you use tone – the hard, critical, sarcastic kind – or loaded rhetorical questions, you’re doing it to make the other person feel uncomfortable or even hurt their feelings.

In the show, you could see how deeply hurt Kwame was.

Tone is weaponized words and emotions.

I was discussing this on facebook this week, and someone commented ‘Sound is energy in motion. Knives and daggers’. Exactly.

You might be doing this consciously or subconsciously, it doesn’t really matter.

What matters is how your tone impacts your partner.

If it’s habitual, you wear down trust in your relationship because it ceases to be a place of safety.

Your partner is on eggshells, confused and pushed into a position of either tolerating it and stepping over their hurt, or questioning it and risking more of the same.

Using tone is a great way of thinking you’re making your point, but also washing your hands of any responsibility for your partner’s feelings.

This will corrode your relationship from the inside.

If someone who habitually uses a harsh tone reacts to being called out by saying ‘you’re too sensitive’, or ‘get over it’ or, like Chelsea, ‘I’m just being direct’, they’re not understanding the relational damage they’re doing.

And it’s likely they’re struggling with a fear of intimacy.

Their work is to get curious about the impact on their partner, and listen when their partner calls them out.

And it might be true that the recipient has a heightened sensitivity to a particular tone, and they can use that awareness to explore what’s getting triggered (likely an experience from childhood with a parent or caregiver).

The recipient’s work isn’t so they can ‘get over it’, but so they can stay present and grounded in the moment it occurs, set a boundary if necessary, and offer feedback to their partner from a place of love and capacity.

For the person using the tone, the work is to slow down and notice what they’re feeling and what their need is in the moment, and communicate that from a place of love and capacity.

Any of the following are actually direct. Delivered straight and without tone these can become invitations for a conversation instead of feel my pain:

• ‘I feel hurt’

• ‘I’m scared about our relationship’

• ‘I’m still angry about that thing you said yesterday’

There’s some deeper work for this person too. It’s likely they were spoken to in this way in their childhood, and possibly speak to themselves in this way.

Because if you choose to, relationships always offer ways into introspection and healing.

Talk to Matt about having fewer fights and more intimacy. Book your free discovery call here.

Photo by JD Mason on Unsplash

Safety, Disney Nonsense & White Knight Delusion - Let’s Discuss

I read this Instagram post today and I got so annoyed:

This was one of two panels, and a caption that said, "His protective instincts are ignited the moment you meet."

Whenever I have a strong reaction to something, I know it's time to explore what's happening within me. It's an opportunity to unravel what may be a truth and what’s a personal trigger that's been pulled.

Now, I don't believe the poster is suggesting that "safe from harm" solely refers to physical and emotional abuse. Of course not! Safety in a relationship means an environment where both partners can be thoughtful and compassionate.

What annoyed me about this post is that it perpetuates the Disney fantasy of love at first sight.

The notion that love is only genuine when Cupid strikes the very instant you meet someone.

Sure, it can happen that way, but it doesn't have to.

What about taking the time to get to know each other? Exploring the possibilities and compatibility of a relationship? Having some good laughs together?

It's the White Knight version of romance. And guess what?

You need a Damsel In Distress for the White Knight to have a purpose.

This implies that women are inherently unsafe and need a man to feel protected. Well, I wholeheartedly disagree.

"His protective instincts are ignited the moment you meet" sets an impossibly high standard for both him and her. Personally, I've never experienced this, nor have I heard any man say such a thing.

Relationships involve at least two people from different family backgrounds, each with their own sensitivities and strengths. Even with Carina and me being aware and conscientious, we still sometimes step on each other's toes and create moments of upset or feeling unsafe. In other words, we're still learning about each other.

When we fall in love, our journey together in a committed relationship, and I believe this is an essential journey for every relationship, is learning how to come back into deep connection and trust after these moments of unsafety inevitably occur.

The post also implies that there is only one person meant for you. If your relationship is challenging, well, it must be because you're with the wrong person.

In other words, find the "right" one, and you'll always feel safe. But if you feel unsafe, it's because you're with the wrong "one."

It also suggests that he is somehow unhealthy or incomplete without this specific woman and her medicine in his life. I absolutely don't buy into that idea either.

Oh and don’t stop me now - that he’s showing up fully formed, strong, and ready to build her castle. No pressure there then!

As a grown-ass man, I had to (and still am) learn lessons in creating connection and safety within a relationship.

I'm still working on creating safety within myself, and by doing so, I'm better able to create it for Carina. 

I also work with courageous men who are on a similar journey of self-discovery and becoming emotionally available.

They strive to understand themselves more deeply so they can show up in their relationships with clarity, capacity, and confidence, ultimately contributing to a sense of safety.

Ideally, both partners in a relationship are engaged in this kind of personal growth that fosters a trustworthy connection.

Friends, it’s a journey.

And a significant part of this journey unfolds when we're connected within a relationship.

Yes, we can lay the groundwork in isolation, but it's through merging with another human, discovering what happens when our unique patterns intersect, that we truly comprehend what safety means to both of us and how to create it.

What are your thoughts on this?

Oh, and what made this topic particularly heated for me?

It pressed on a childhood vulnerability button. It reminded me of times when I felt expected to show up with answers and behaviours in situations that caught me off guard. I felt dumb and foolish, facing uncommunicated and expectations that felt unfair and unmeetable that left me scrambling in the moment.

Talk to Matt about having few fights and more intimacy. Book your free discovery call here.

Photo by Asdrubal luna on Unsplash