When you step into growth-focused communities, whether it’s online or in person, working with a coach or a therapist, being in a group or reading stuff online, the phrase ‘doing the work’ comes up quickly and often.

But what does it mean?

In a nutshell, "doing the work" refers to some serious introspection. It's about taking a good, hard look at your patterns, habits, beliefs, and even your relationships.

Think of it as a mental and emotional deep dive into the wild sea of self-discovery.

Now, here's what I know from my experience of doing the work, and the courageous people who approach  me for coaching: Most folks don't willingly sign up for this journey. 

Nope, it usually takes a good kick in the arse from feelings of dissatisfaction, confusion, or utter frustration to push us into this transformative territory (or from your partner!). 

Yup, that's me.

My journey with ‘doing the work’ happened decades ago when my girlfriend at the time called me out on my shutdown mode.

It was like déjà vu from past relationships, and I knew I had to change my tune or get dumped.

So, I took the leap and sought help from a therapist. Little did I know, that was just the beginning of my epic adventure.

From excruciating couples counseling sessions to naked fire dancing with other men (yep, you read that right), my path of "doing the work" has been a mad ride.

Facing vulnerabilities, challenging my ways of showing up, and taking accountability like a pro (or at least attempting to).

Why is it so scary?

It’s scary because it’s vulnerable. 

It’s vulnerable to admit that how your life (or a part of it) isn’t working how you want it to. 

It’s vulnerable because it means acknowledging that how you’ve been showing up isn’t effective (which can bring up stories of being wrong and not good enough). 

And as much as you don’t like the circumstances that have led you to the work, and however much you may say you wish things were different, the unknown can be even more daunting. 

For most of us, familiar discomfort is preferable to change, even when that change offers more of what we say we want. 

Now, here's the kicker: the moment you decide to embark on this path of personal growth, you've already taken the first step. 

Yep, even reading this email and pondering its message counts as doing the work. Who knew that self-improvement could start with a simple email, right?

So, my fellow seeker of truth, I wish you all the courage and resilience on your voyage of self-discovery.

Remember, change may be scary, but it's often the catalyst for the transformation you crave. And what's waiting for you on the other side of the work, is worth it.

And if you need a helping hand along the way, just hit reply or schedule a call with me at the links in the footer. 

Stay grounded,

Matt

Talk to Matt about having few fights and more intimacy. Book your free discovery call here.

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