3 Tips To Avoid Being This Dude
A ridiculous number of years ago I was attending a workshop for people creating and building small businesses.
One of the other attendees was an older guy (probably younger than I am today, now I think about it, it was that long ago).
He loved his business idea and mansplaining why his business name was funny. He would express, actually declare, his opinions of various things.
He was pompous, took himself very seriously. You've met this guy.
You could feel people in the workshop, myself included, getting irritated by him.
The woman running the workshop was the no-nonsense type. She knew her stuff and explained things succinctly and clearly.
At one point, after this man had smugly and yet again shared his business idea and declared why the name was funny she said, "I recognize you. You were in my last workshop".
She named the title of the workshop.
He nodded.
"And you were in the one before that too". She named another workshop.
He nodded.
"I thought so. From what you're saying in this workshop, it sounds like your business is still just a concept. I don't think you've followed through on any of the things I've taught".
There was silence in the room. He didn't nod.
There was a tension that read like a mixture of 'dude had it coming' (whatever the english late-80's version of that would be), and 'thank god that's not me' and 'I hope that's never going to be me'.
She said, "you can come to my workshops as much as you like - thank you - but accumulating knowledge is also a place you can hide if you're not going to follow through'.
[Looking back, I can see now that this man was scared. I can empathize with the part of him that wanted more for his life and yet feared change at the same time. Attending yet another workshop had become a place of self-deceit. He could kid himself that he was taking action without taking the scary step of following through]
The process of change begins with one courageous step. But often it takes more than one:
Am I willing to accept that I'm unhappy or dissatisfied or just want something different?
If yes, can I actually give myself permission to feel deserving of more happiness, satisfaction, or different?
Am I now open to learning what it is I need to do to create this change?
Are we there yet? Not quite...
Am I actually going to follow-through on implementing those things to actually change and live my life differently?
This last one is a biggie.
It's where the big wave lifts your feet off familiar ground.
It's where you lose the comfort of what you're used to. Even though you were unhappy, and dissatisfied, at least you knew what to expect.
The comfort of familiar discomfort.
You're not swimming until your feet are off the ground.
If you change, you might lose connection with people, even with aspects of yourself.
You may come up against other limiting beliefs like:
'I don't deserve any more than I have'
'I won't know myself anymore'
'Know-one will like me anymore if I'm suddenly different or my life is different'.
'Everyone will judge me'
It's crazy what our minds can come up with.
Despite never wanting to be that dude from the workshop, there were times in my life when I was. And will be again.
Remember, building healthy relationships is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, effort, and commitment.
One of my responsibilities as a coach is to not only share powerful perspectives and tools that create deep and intimate relationships, but also support you in using them in your daily life.
With the right mindset and tools, you can achieve true intimacy and connection with your partner.
My men's group, AWAKE, is an ongoing space for men to get accountability and support in the daily process of creating a life of more connection, fulfillment, presence and intimacy.
If you're looking for a community of like-minded men who are committed to personal growth and healthy relationships, then AWAKE might be just what you need. Join us and let's awaken to our true selves together.
If you know a man that could benefit from this and might be interested, share this post.
Until next time,
Matt
Want to feel better in your life? Talk to Matt
Photo by Michal Matlon on Unsplash