If you’re a workaholic, here are two myths destroying your relationship
Photo by Robert Bye on Unsplash
Hi friends,
I was in session with a client recently, I’ll call him Bob. He has a tendency towards workaholism, and he’s in a long push to complete a project that’s taking up a lot of his time and attention.
He learned his workaholism from his father which came with a side-order of messaging of what’s worth time and attention.
Clue - Bob's relationship isn’t at the top of the list. So his partner is resentfully picking up his slack by taking care of things around the home, which pushes her into the parent position and him into the child position.
Very unsexy.
There are two myths that support workaholism.
The first is that you’re working so hard because the thing you do or the money you earn (or both) supports people you care about, and their appreciation for you doing that should eclipse your physical and mental absence.
The second is that your poorly attended relationship will be waiting for you to pick up where you left off.
Time to bust those myths. Men especially get tripped up by the first myth. Of course it's important to support the people we care about, but what they want most is our presence. Finding a balance between work and presence is a gamechanger.
And the second myth?
Here's the hard news - if you haven't been nurturing your relationship because you've been pouring all your attention into your work, the relationship you return to will be an undernourished relationship, likely marked with resentment, anger and distance.
There’s a beautiful moment in working with a client where something drops in for them with such clear, resonance you know they can’t unknow it. They put it in their own words with such startling clarity, far better than I can (honestly, sometimes I'm jealous).
Right at the end of the session, Bob said:
"The rewards of my work aren't worth it if my relationship is shit.
And I really care. I do care, but I'm seeing my caring needs to grow up."
Boom! He's got it. He’d shifted into relational thinking, including care for his partner and the quality of their relationship.
Yes!
See you soon.
Psst!
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