👻Secrets, Spectres, and Relationships: Confronting the Unspoken!

You know that thing you’re scared of talking about with your partner? 

The thing you’re worried will set them off? That could start a fight? Or break the relationship?

It’s the thing that’s between you and the relationship you want.

In my line of work we call these things ‘withholds’.

A withhold is a truth that we’re holding back.

It might be something about you, or something about your partner, or about your circumstances that affects you both.

A withhold can often be sensed by our partner. Maybe not consciously, but it can hang in the air between you like a spectre.

It creates distance.

Now, not everything has to be spoken about immediately. I know I sometimes need time to mull something over before I voice it.

But if you’re holding on to something that affects your relationship, you owe it to yourself, your partner and your relationship to speak up.

If you’re compromising yourself in your relationship, out of fear of conflict or abandonment, or habit, you’re relationship is also compromised.

Ideally, sharing what you’re withholding gives your partner, and the relationship, the opportunity to stretch and grow. 

Sharing what you’re withholding could possibly end the relationship. But do you want to be in a relationship that can’t fully hold you?

Thanks for reading.

Matt

P.S. Here’s my secret…

…I used to be great at withholds, in a bad way. I could keep stuff tucked away for far too long from fear of causing conflict or, worse, the end of the relationship.

Learning about these fears - what they were and how to metabolise them - helped me show up more fully in my relationships.

If you need help like this, book a chat with me at the link below to see if we want to work together

Photo by Courtney Clayton on Unsplash