A ridiculous number of years ago I was attending a workshop for people creating and building small businesses. 

One of the other attendees was an older guy (probably younger than I am today, now I think about it, it was that long ago). 

He loved his business idea and mansplaining why his business name was funny. He would express, actually declare, his opinions of various things.

Here's a story about me in a different phase of my life, in a whole different relationship.

We moved in together, split finances, bought a house, had kids.

All these things came from the relationship. They were supported by the relationship

BUT...

There's something wired into us that we're somehow failing if we have to ask for help or support.

There's fear that it shows weakness. And that our need for support might get used against us. The fear runs really deep and it stops so many men from reaching out, or accepting support when it's offered. It keeps us isolated and struggling.

Where did this belief come from?

I received some questions and reflections about last week’s post. 

Firstly, thank you.

Writing these posts helps me clarify my thoughts on things, but more than that it’s intended to offer thoughtful insight and support on your relationships. 

So, thank you for the warm glow of receiving your emails and comments that lets me know you’re reading it.

The gist of the feedback was ‘yup, putting a relationship on hold is a thing, because I’ve done it or experienced it’.

Then there was a question along the lines of, in our committed relationship ‘how do we know if our relationship is on hold?’.

I’ve been selected to speak at the M4: Men, Message, Mission, Movement Virtual Summit

The invitation is for me to ‘speak my truth’ for 45 mins and tell the journey of why I work with men, and support people in having more fulfilling relationships.

Now, I tend towards being an introvert (with flurries of extroversion 🕺). And I often find it uncomfortable to talk about myself, and share things about my life that paint me in a less than perfect light (recovering Nice Guy here).

You know that thing you’re scared of talking about with your partner? 

The thing you’re worried will set them off? That could start a fight? Or break the relationship?

It’s the thing that’s between you and the relationship you want.

In my line of work we call these things ‘withholds’.

I'm just back from holiday - I took my daughter to the UK to visit family. It was a fabulous trip in many ways.

Carina and I have a regular morning routine of leaving voice messages on WhatsApp for each other every morning.

However, because of the 5-hour time difference and other variables around my time in the UK, what I didn’t do properly was put in place a plan for Carina and me to really feel connected while I was gone.

Today, let's talk about the magic of appreciation in relationships.

One of the things I’m most grateful for in my relationship is the habit of appreciation Carina and I have created. Feeling appreciated and expressing our gratitude feels lovely every single time.

One of the reasons resentments fester in relationships is when people feel unappreciated and unseen. 

There was a time when I may have been cynical about appreciations. I mean, how many times do I need to say thank you for something that’s happening every day, and going to happen whether I verbalize my appreciation or not?